Blondes
Ok I did something really silly the other night I got very, very drunk, which, beleive it or not is just not like me, especially as it was a work day the next day, which I might say now didn't happen!!! The thing is when I get drunk I tend to ring everyone up, so if I rang you I am sorry and if I didn't ring you I am sorry!!! So that being a stupid blonde moment thought I would share some blonde jokes!
Two Blondes With Hammers...
Carol and Donna, were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Carol, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.
Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"
Carol explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away."
Donna got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"
Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?
They had gone to see "Closed for the Winter."
A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.
"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?"
"No, Silly" the blonde said.
"First I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, 'I just paid $6,000.00 for these implants. I'm not shooting myself in the chest."
"So then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, "I just paid $3,000.00 to get my
teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."
"So then?"
"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: "This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm.
Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.
The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun.
He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, "What are you doing?"
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out .
The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first."
A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos.
She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, "Why, that's a thermos..... it keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold."
"Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing....I' m going to buy it!!
"So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.
Her boss saw it on her desk. "What's that," he asked?
"Why, that's a thermos..... it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold the blonde replied.
Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?"
The blond replied..... .."Two popsicles and some coffee."
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."
The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, "Why don't you go home for the day?
Take the day off to relax and rest."
"Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual.
A couple of hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically.
"What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?" he asks.
"No!" exclaims the blonde. "I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!"
12 comments:
Blonde Jokes rock lol!!! Thanks for the giggle. :) Have a great weekend!
thanks for the jokes! Silly drunk sounds like fun - I might need to do that myself!
The two blonds on the debating team:
Uh huh!
Uh uh!
Uh huh!
Uh uh!
Or
The blond who went to the doctor because she hurt all over.
“Every time I touch myself it hurts. See, if I touch my arm, ouch. If I touch my stomach, ouch. If I touch my knee, ouch. What is wrong with me, doctor?”
The doctor had her undress and he “checked” her all over, and then said, “I have it figured out. You broke your finger.”
Now have another drink.
Yer never rang me!
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town.
He's going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes,when a blonde women in the fourth row is getting increasingly angry.
She stands on her chair and says,"I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blond jokes, asshole. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person's physical attributes have to do with
their worth as a human being? Its guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community,of reaching my full potential as a person because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large all in name of humour.
Flustered,the ventriloquist begins to apologize,when the blonde says,YOU stay out of this,Mister! I'M TALKING TO THAT LITTLE BASTARD ON YOUR KNEE!"
Everybody loves blonde jokes! haha
And drunk dialing. ;-)
Hehe. . .
New blonde joke every day (and there are about 200 of them now)
http://indianhillmediaworks.typepad.com/outoftheinbox/
I've got to go get one of those thermos things. Who knew?
The "Closed for the winter" one is a North Dakotan joke back home (Montana and North Dakota have a thing about making fun of one another..)
I tend to drunk dial too...
I too, am guilty of drunk dialing. Thank goodness I only drink about 2 times a year.
Great blonde jokes. I liked the Closed For The Winter, one.
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.
Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.
The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Please don't think only girls are blond
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
"Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
nope. didn't ring me either. i'm hurt! and you doimg something dumb? never!
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