Murphy's Law

We had a fire drill during the night last night, you know the one the smoke alarm beeps to let you know that the batteries are going?! So it was beep, beep, beeping, you jump out of bed, knocking the bedside table over trying to switch the alarm off, then off course thinking, bloody hell there is a fire! So what is the first thing you should do? Yes proceed with caution, smell for smoke, check the door handles are not hot before opening them, no not me.

First thing I do is run downstairs, burst through the lounge door and check Mr Milo is OK! He looks up at me as if to say 'Do you not know what time it is, I was having such a lovely dream you stupid woman, you have frightened me half to death!'

So then you realise, after of course going back upstairs to make sure Himself is still asleep!!!!! that it is the sodding batteries dying! What I want to know is why do they only dye in the middle of the bloody night eh! That's Murphy's Law!

So here are a few Murphy's Laws for you-

• the other line always moves faster.
• anything good in life is wither illegal, immoral or fattening.
• in order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it.
• anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought.
• the repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
• beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes to the bone.
• the chance of a piece of bread falling butter side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
• the light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train.
• no matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you bought it, it will be on sale somewhere else cheaper.
• if everything seems to be going well, you obviously don't know what the hell is going on.

Sure you have all got your own to add, but remember Murphy was an optimist!!!!!

Wishing you all a safe and happy weekend.

Go meet me Mate

Morning, afternoon, evening or good night, just choose the one that suits the time of day you are visiting me!!!

Hope you are all doing okay, not got much to say but want to introduce you all to a new blogger, coffindodger47 she is my oldest freind, yep I got me some real live friends not just blogging buddies, not that you are not all real live people, well at least I hope you all are!!!!

Have know Trish now for, hang on a minute not got enough fingers and toes to count this, er 34 years!!! Unfortunately we lost each other these last six years but I am so glad we are now back together, I can't tell you how much this girl means to me.

We have laughed, cried, comforted each other over the years, you know the special person who you can tell anything too and they won't judge you? That's my Trish, so please go over and welcome her to the blogging world, she might be shy but she will soon come out and play!

You know I love visiting all you great people, you all have so much to say, you write well, and then there is me not saying much, throwing you the odd joke and I wonder why you all keep coming back, but I am so glad you do.

I am ready for a holiday, it will be 8 more weeks before I have time off from work, oops sorry for swearing! But then I won't be going away, I have to wait till Feb for that, hey but have I told you lately where I am going!!!! Yeah to America!!!

Well thank you for putting up with me over the last year and hope you carry on putting up with me for the next year!

The F Word

here are five cases when it is ok to use the F word! Enjoy!

Rockin'

Look what I got from Kahless, I am a rockin blogger, well with the help from Mr Milo! So thank you I am honoured.

See Mr Milo is sooooo pleased he contributed to getting this award he is rockin!

Gosh I am so proud, I can count on one hand the things I have won or been awarded! I won a prize from Swampwitch, I won tickets to see Mike Harding, and that is showing my age!!! Himself and me won a Mr and Mrs competition at Butlins many years ago, wonder if we would still win it!!!! Did win a Dell 28" flat screen TV two years ago and that is the total of my winnings, can't even win a tenner on the lottery and have given up going to Bingo!

So I get to give this to five more bloggers, so here goes.

Biddie - because she is more than a blog buddie, she is just a great girl to know and I am so pleased that I found her.

Hick Chic - because how can you not give a Rockin Blogger to a Hick Chic.

Dilling - for all the great walks she takes us on with Emma, and for all the beautiful photos she takes.

Aunt Jackie - she truly rocks, would love to see her perform.

Shauna - she has achieved so much this year, well done girl.

Enjoy your award ladies and please nominate five more rockers.

Gosh will this party never end!!!!!!!!

Its Birthday Time

Yippee its my first birthday, well its my blog's first birthday, gosh I can't belevie that I have been here for one full year and what a great year it has been. I have met such lovely people who have shared so many things, happiness, laughter and tears, I also have shared all these with you so a big thank you to everyone who drops by and reads my non discript blog!

I took a look at my first blog, the first to comment was Growing Up, but alas she is no longer with us, hope all is well for her and her family.

So that means the person who has stayed around for the whole year is a man we all love and know as Four Dinners! Cheers 4D.

Have made some great friends along the way and would dearly love to meet all of you, and you never know one day I will do just that! So just think on when that door bell rings it could be me calling in to say hi!!!!

Well talking of birthdays if you have not yet met djkirkby pop over to her site and wish her a happy birthday, a real birthday this time not a blog birthday!

So I hope you will all enjoy a slice of birthday cake with me, and a glass of wine if we must! Cheers everyone!

Is it only the 16th? Oops then i am two days early in my celebration its not my blog birthday till the 18th hope you will all fogive me, tell you what to make up for it there will be some funny pictures on the 18th so be sure to call and take a look!

Two for One

Got sod all to tell you so enjoy the jokes.

Things you Should not say to a Cop!
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee. Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

Sip the Vodka
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”
So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.
10) We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”
11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, “Take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say “Eat me”.
12) The Virgin Mary is not called “Mary with the Cherry”.
13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST. Peter’s not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.

A Repreive

Remember the talk we had on 'the Change' way back in May? Well the good news is I went to see the nurse, who wrote to the people in the know for advice, she had a reply and I can stay on the beautiful HRT till I am 51. They could increase the dosage but this would mean I would have to come off it earlier. So I have decided to just carry on as I was.

This means that himself wont need to pack his bags now for another 5 whole years, so that's 5 more years of a happy marriage! Mind you I could always threaten to come off the HRT if he doesn't behave, now there is a thought!

Can we take a vote on now on this Monday just gone? I vote that it be wiped out please! If not I apologise to all of you out there whose heads I bit off, I also apologise if I just broke down and cried, even if you just asked me if it was raining! God what a day that was! I was so full of tears and aggression, just glad that those days are few and far between!

Mr Milo is sulking, his girlfriend didn't come over on Saturday, she is poorly bless her, she might have a broken toe! The vet has put her on some tablets for a week, if that doesn't help her she will have to have her toe amputated, ouch, so fingers crossed Lady Lulu that it wont come to that.

Himself is doing really well, he wore socks and shoes for the first time in 7 weeks and managed to walk about with no real problems.

Me car has been sick as well, it kept telling me it needed oil, cheeky bugger that it is, it did not need oil! The garage said it had a fault on the diagnostic computer thingy, basically it is a liar! So we have had a few cross words and it promises to behave now, OK then they fixed it for me, only took 4 hours too!

Right must go and save the dinner from burning, yet again! Himself is used to guessing what it is he is eating beneath the black bits!

Places to Eat

Okay then djkirkby has tagged me, rules below.

This meme involves the following rules.
*Link to the person who tagged you.
*Include the town/state and country/county you live in.
*List top five favorite local restaurants.
*Tag five other people and let them know they’ve been tagged

I live in South Yorkshire, England, and although himself is not a true Yorkshire man, he might as well be as regards being tight - a skin flint -a penny watcher or just plain old mean! So you get the picture? This means that eating out is not something that happens very often and when it does well you will see the pattern!!!!

The Drawbridge - Rotherham - this is a favourite of his oops ours, it is a Toby Carvery, choice of three meats, you can have one or all three, and then you help yourself to potatoes and veggies, buffet style. Two reasons this is a favourite for him, one he doesn't eat vegetables, and two its bloody cheap!!! For both of us, plus one drink each it costs £9.00, well that's the price if I am driving! What a bargain for a Yorkshire man!!!!

Crosspool Tavern - Crosspool, Sheffield - another favourite, mmm why, well read about the Drawbridge and you got it! Same thing just a different location!

Jumbo's Chinese Buffet - Sheffield - You must have all tried these, eat as much as you want for £5.50, if you go before 5pm, and yep we go before 5pm!!!! Must say I do like going, not been for a while, fancy a Chinese anyone?

Chippy - Cleethorpes - a marvelous chippy at Cleethorpes, in fact this is probably the most expensive of my choice! I love chippy shop fish an chips, himself is not too keen, he only eats them if we go to the seaside, so it is approximately an hour and half drive there and 140 miles round trip just for fish and chips!!!!

You Coming for Tea - this place can be in Blackpool, Bolton, Bury, Sheffield, Penistone in fact it can be anywhere as long as a friend lives there and invites you for tea! The menu is very extensive, a fantastic home made cheese and onion pie in Bury, a mean casserole in Blackpool.

I don't enjoy cooking although I love eating!!!! Strange but true!!!!!!!!!!

I don't like tagging anyone, I am too shy!!!! but if you want do it then to go for it and just let me know you have done it.

Think if I had to pick just one person I would go for Tod, I imagine Tod as having exquisite taste in food.

Useless Sex Facts or Not

When reading horizontally from Shakespeare's original published copy of Hamlet, the furthest left hand side reads 'I am a homosexual' in the last 14 lines of the book. Was this a message, or just a coincidence?

Over 50% of all people fantasize more often about money than sex, so technically, Bill Gates is the hearthrob of the world.

According to the World Health Organization, there are approximately 100 million acts of sexual intercourse each day.

Every year, 11,000 Americans injure themselves while trying out bizarre sexual positions.

More than half the American men surveyed in a recent poll admit to having sex with women they disliked. It didn't say how many were referring to their wives ;o)

A female orgasm is a powerfull painkiller (because of the release of endorfines), so headaches are in fact a bad excuse not to have sex.

In a recent interview with 10 prominent sex therapists, the question was posed, 'What is the most important aspect in love making?' One said 'relaxation', Three said 'honesty', and a whopping Six out of Ten said 'staying awake'.

Although Hitler did condemn homosexual acts, he only condemned them between men. Lesbians were not condemned at all. They were rarely (if any at all) sent to concentration camps, because it was not in the laws written by Hitler to condemn women loving other women.

Lip stick was said to have been invented in the Eygptian times for women that specialized in oral sex. They wanted their lips to look more inviting.

Dolphins and humans are the only known animals that have sex for pleasure.

The female knot-tying weaverbird will refuse to mate with a male who has built a shoddy nest. If spurned, the male must take the nest apart and completely rebuild it in order to win the affections of the female.

The female bedbug has no sexual opening. To get around this small problem, the male uses his curved penis to drill a vagina into the female.

The male tick doesn't have a penis. Instead, he uses his nose to sniff out the females vagina. Once he's made it large enough by poking his nose around, he turns round and deposits his seamen. To finish the job off, he then turns round again and pushes the seamen inside with his trusty nose.

So, you've heard the phrase, "going at it like rabbits". Well, the desert rat makes the rabbit look a little useless in the Don Juan stakes. The desert rat can have sex up to 120 times an hour.

Nothing to Declare

Well I have nothing to declare, nothing has happened just the ordinary daily life of a suburban housewife and part time worker!

OK first then to all of the American blogger's, Happy 4th of July I hope you enjoy your holiday and celebrations.

My dryer broke last week, the repair man from British Gas came today and fixed it, it is working but it has now got a vibrating sound, the sad thing is that at this time of the year I should be able to hang the washing out to dry in the lovely British summer! Yeah like where is it then! oh well the nice man will call again next Wednesday!

Himself is not very happy, the toe is now weeping and is painful, he tried wearing shoes but is back in sandals as the toe has got a bandage back on it! He was hoping to do some refereeing this Sunday but that is not going to happen, poor himself!

Mr Milo is excited as his girlfriend, Lady, oh and her mum Jo, is coming for a visit on Saturday, so he will be able to go for a nice walk with her, yes I will go with them, they do need chaperoning as you never know what they could get up to!!! Mind you I don't think he has told her he is gay!!

Why do you say the word 'Yes' when you really meant to say 'No'? Do you do it, I am a bugger for doing it, well because my mouth said 'Yes' without me having any control over it I am working on Saturday! ME WORKING A SATURDAY that has not happened for many, many years!!!! The only consolation is that it will only be for 4 hours so I will be back home for 10 am ish.

Think I might treat myself this weekend to a glass of wine, okay then a bottle of wine, okay then maybe two bottles! So if I have your phone number remember to turn it off as you know what I am like when drunk!