My Forgetter

My forgetter's getting better,
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke

For when I'm "here" I'm wondering
If I really should be "there"
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven't got a prayer!

Oft times I walk into a room,
Say "what am I here for?"
I wrack my brain, but all in vain!
A zero, is my score.

At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Is, generally, me!

When shopping I may see someone,
Say "Hi" and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself, "who was that?"

Yes, my forgetter's getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it's driving me plumb crazy
And that isn't any joke.

See i told you all i was old!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday to ME

Dont know whether to be celebrating or drowning my sorrows! It's my birthday on Sunday and i will be OLD!

Yeah I know 46 is not that old, but it is to me, and it means that I am only four years away from being 50 and i just do not want to be 50!!!!

One of my best birthdays has to be my 4oth, himself organised a surprise party for me and it was a surprise! All my family (who i dont see now) and friends and a kiss-o-gram!!!! Thinking about it he did another surprise for my 43rd, he arranged a meal and managed to get all my friends over for that too.

Not done a lot at all this week, high light of the week was going over to see my son his partner and of course my grandson.

Told you about the two bumps we have had in the last two months, well my son is a bit superstitious and as we know things tend to happen in threes. Well he got me to break a match stick, yeah I can hear you all saying 'What is she on about!' Apparently it is supposed to break the circle of 'it happens in 3's'!!! Oh well if it makes him feel better i went along with it, so watch this space!!!!!!!

Caught up with an old friend this week, we lost touch, well truth be told we fell out! Anyway the good news is we back in touch and have been catching up on each others news, it's really nice talking to her again, have missed her.

Off to visit another friend, yeah I got mates!!!! She has just had surgery, had polyops removed and her sinuses drilled, ouch!!!! Well to keep her entertained, besides having me to talk to! I have bought her a kiddies colouring book, some crayons and a dot to dot book!!!! Ok, ok I also got her a plant!

That really is all, seem to be living a bit of a boring life at the moment, least I can blame it on my age!!!!!!!!!

Thats that then, off to go and have a glass or two or even three of wine, might even end up being a bottle or two!!!!!!

Hope the weekend is going good for you all.

Lets start the week with a Smile

She came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

The wife was VERY upset!

"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!"

And he replied:"Hang on just a minute love, so I can at least tell you what happened"

"Fine, go ahead," she sobbed," but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"

And he began:"

Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair like them.."

He took a quick breath and continued: "She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said.............

"Please........do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'

Two Bump's in Two Months!!!

I think it is the time of year when we are all feeling a bit fed up with ourselves, well I hope it is or is it just me?!

The winter months seem to go on and on, I have no energy, I feel restless and bored and even sad. But hey perhaps I just need a kick start to get back on track, I was going to say perhaps I need a kick up the rear end, but today I received that kick, let me tell you it was not fun!!!

We set off in the car to go and do some shopping, nothing exciting just the weekly shop, even that is such a chore at the moment! Well its raining and the traffic was heavy, me being impatient couldn't sit and wait in the queue at the traffic lights so I thought I would drive round the block. You know the one a short cut but the long way round!!!

What a bad decision that turned out to be!!!! Driving along a dual carriage way, indicating to turn left, but couldn't turn left into the side street as two vehicles were blocking my way, so as I waited for them to drive off the car behind me 'rear ended' me!!!

My car was pushed three feet forward and there was a bang! "Oh dear me I said", or words similar! Out I got and in a very calm way! Went round the back of my car dreading what I might find! Well I looked, I got himself to get out and take a look, the driver of the other vehicle got out to take a look, we all bent down and studied first my car and then his car. What did we see? Sod all can you understand that absolutely nothing!!!!

I know I am a bit slow on the uptake, but how can a car run into your car, move it three feet forward and not leave a dent!!!

Oh well the guy gave me his business card, just in case, and i got back behind the wheel and drove off, no not even hurt, well just a bit shook up. Himself just kept saying that's two bumps in two months! How reassuring is that!!!!

Just to be on the safe side we drove to our local garage and had them take a look, all they could find was a small scuff mark and the rear fog light was not quite in its port, so he just clipped it back in and that was that!

So on that I leave you all and I hope you all have a great weekend!

Lawyer Story

A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire, among other things.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires."
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
The lawyer sued.... and WON!

(Stay with me now.)
In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous.
The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer "held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire" and was obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires.

NOW FOR THE BEST PART....Ya GOTTA LOVE this!!
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!
With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

This Week

First I would like to say how proud I am of my godson who is being bullied and has this week given a video interview to the police, he was subjected to what is known as a 'happy slapping' where the bullies filmed it on their mobile phones, what bastards!
Well here's hoping that this will be the end of it for him and maybe others. Well done to him for being brave enough to make the complaint to the police.

On Monday there was a traffic accident near my place of work, two busses had a head on crash, what made my blood boil was the imbeciles who took photos with their mobile phones of the bus driver, who was trapped in his cab, and then posted them on the internet! What morons!! The bus driver in question has since udergone operations to try and repair his shattered leg, hope he makes a good recovery.

Thursday night I went to the City Hall and watched The Lord of the Dance, that was one hell of a great show, if you have not seen it and you get the chance go, I promise you it is well worth it, it is fantastic.

We have snow!! Ok I admit it that it's only a small amount compared to what some of you out there have, but it still managed to cause havoc! But we now have rain so the snow is on its way out already, so now we have that horrible slushy snow, and I didn't get chance to build me a snowman :-(

We are in the process of choosing our holiday for next year, trying to decide whether to go on a guided tour or a fly drive. Pros and cons, obviously on a guided tour we will not have to drive, but then we have to follow a strict itenery, where as if we go fly drive we will have more time to do what we want and go at a more leisurely pace. We are hoping to visit San Fransico, the Grand Canyon and Las Vegas, I am really looking forward to planning this holiday, the down part is we wont be going till Feb/March 2008! And it also means no more cheap deals this year, I mean can I survive with no sun, sea and sand for the rest of this year!!!!

Plans for this weekend involve doing as little as possible! Reading and drinking hot chocolate curled up in front of the fire, bliss pure bliss.

Hope you all have a great weekend.

Only In America and Ever Wonder

ONLY IN AMERICA :

Only in America .....do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Only in America ......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. !
Only in America ......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America ......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America ......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America ......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
Only in America ......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER .. Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin ?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? !
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Sipping Vodka

Just received this via an e-mail and thought i would share it with you all.

SIPPING VODKA

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”

So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.
10)We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”
11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, “Take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say “Eat me”.
12)The Virgin Mary is not called “Mary with the Cherry”.
13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST. Peter’s not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.

The Origination of this letter is unknown

Bloody computer is on a go slow, trying to read all your blogs but it's just not opening them up argh!!!!!!!!!

Had a little mishap on Friday, as Biddie knows! I tried to wax my chin mmmmmmm not a good idea i can tell you! Well apart from it not working it peeled off a layer of skin ouch! I was left with a bright red chin! It hurt like hell and i looked a proper plonker!

Well the good news is it is nearly back to normal, just a bit red and i can promise that i will never try that at home again!

A bit of news for all of you who visit Jo, Ladydtd, me mate in Ireland, she will be back with us soon, she is moving back to England on the 6th Feb so is very busy packing and arranging the move, as soon as she has internet set up she will be back on our screens!

Been watching my favourate TV programme, Becker, don't know if anyone watches it but I think it is soooooo funny!

We usually like to take quite a few holidays through the year, as you might have gathered! But this year we have decided to save are money towards a holiday in Feb 2008 to West coast USA and Las Vegas, its an 11 day holiday, visiting San Francisco, Hollywood, Las Vegas and the best part the Grand Canyon. So we will see if we can keep away from the travel agents windows for the next 12 months! That is going to be difficult I can tell you!

Hey my grandon spoke to me on the phone yesterday, I was right giddy! He is 19 months old, he says "Hello" and it sounds really posh, then of course its all mumble jumble, well to me it was, but not to him he was probably telling me what he had been up to, then he says "ta-ta"! Here is a photo of him talking to the plants!

Well thats all I am off to try and read some of your blogs, computer willing!

Time for a laugh

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him,
"My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.
"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart.
Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.
It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a doctor."

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.
He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine
sample.
He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity.
It will improve in two weeks.
Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.
Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results.
He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!
Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart!

Hope this brought a smile to your faces x