Swearing at Work
Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their colleagues. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues. Therefore, a list of 13 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
1.
Try Saying:
I think you could do with more training
Instead Of:
You don't have a f***ing clue, do you?
2.
Try Saying:
She's an aggressive go-getter.
Instead Of:
She's a f***ing power-crazy b*tch
3.
Try Saying:
Perhaps I can work late
Instead Of:
And when the f*** do you expect me to do this?
4.
Try Saying:
I'm certain that isn't feasible
Instead Of:
F*** off a*se-wipe
5.
Try Saying:
Really?
Instead Of:
Well f*** me backwards with a telegraph pole
6.
Try Saying:
Perhaps you should check with...
Instead Of:
Tell someone who gives a f***.
7.
Try Saying:
I wasn't involved in the project.
Instead Of:
Not my f***ing problem, mate.
8.
Try Saying:
That's interesting.
Instead Of:
What the f***?
9.
Try Saying:
I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale.
Instead Of:
No f***ing chance mate.
10.
Try Saying:
It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in
Instead Of:
Why the f*** didn't you tell me that yesterday?
11.
Try Saying:
He's not familiar with the issues
Instead Of:
He's got his head up his f***ing a*se.
12.
Try Saying:
Excuse me, sir?
Instead Of:
Oi, f*** face.
13.
Try Saying:
Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway
Instead Of:
Yeah, who needs f***ing holidays anyway.
TFIF, hope you all have a great weekend.
12 comments:
I've read a similar list of these, and it's just as funny every time!!
Have a good one your F*cking self!! LOL! j/k
TFIF????
Have you ever said POETS?
P*** on everything tomorrow's Saturday!!!!
(grin)
number 13, lol, that happened to me in Dec last year! Liked your post on 'the change' too and your pic of practicing for a mamogram... rumour has it youre not far wrong there, girlie...I heard nasty things about a mamogram feeling not unlike slamming a fridge door on boobs etc...yikes.
A Jackie - i always have a good weekend!!!!
Pamela - lol i didn't mean to post this till friday!!!
dj kirkby - when i am on holiday i am on holiday! you up early too lol!
Sometimes you have to use certain words just to be able to really get what you are trying to say across to people though. LOL
I told my boss he was a fat bastard. He said I couldn't say that to him. I said, OK, can I think it? He said of course, he couldn't stop me thinking. OK I said, I think your'e a fat bastard!!
Brilliant!!!
had a bloke who kept swearing at work and he was heading for trouble. As his union rep I said just say "DILLIGAF" and you're safe. Now he does. Management are bewildered as none of em know what it means.
Very funny, some of us have a code at the school where I teach. I think this from some movie or book.
A bevy of delicate flowers of Southern womanhood one of whom was from Texas; were conversing on the porch swing of a large white pillared mansion.
The first woman, who was not from Texas, said,"When my first child was born,my husband built this beautiful mansion for me."
The Texas lady commented,"How nice."
A second woman added,"When my first child was born, my husband bought me that fine Cadillac automobile you see parked in the drive."
Again, the Texas lady commented,"How nice."
A third woman boasted, "When my first child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet."
Yet again, the Texas lady commented,"How nice."
The first woman then asked her companion,"What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"
The Texas lady replied "My husband sent me to charm school."
"Charm school!",the first woman cried,"Land sakes, child,what on Earth for?"
The Texas lady responded,"At charm school I learned to say ,"How nice." instead of "F*** you."
So some of us respond to certain directives with, "How nice." Even if the administrators know the joke, what can the say? Well, they could say, "How Nice."
Huh, those may have been usefull in my old job....ah well too late now!! ;-P
Jay - absolutely
Chopski - very good, see there is always a way round it!
4Dinners- that is one of my fav words thanks to you
mjd - going to use 'how nice' instead of the 'f' word and see what happens!
ldbug - lets hope you wont need them in the new place
We talked seriously about setting up a swearbox at work but then a few people left and for the amount the new kids swear you'd only get about 10p a year out of it.
I especially liked the refernce to the telegraph pole. That was a new one one me.
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