How To Make a Woman Happy

How to Make a Woman Happy
It's not difficult to make a woman happy.
A man only needs to be:

1. a friend

2. a companion

3. a lover

4. a brother

5. a father

6. a master

7. a chef

8. an electrician

9. a carpenter

10. a plumber

11. a mechanic

12. a decorator

13. a stylist

14. a sexologist

15. a gynecologist

16. a psychologist

17. a pest exterminator

18. a psychiatrist

19. a healer

20. a good listener

21. an organizer

22. a good father

23. very clean

24. sympathetic

25. athletic

26. warm

27. attentive

28. gallant

29. intelligent

30. funny

31. creative

32. tender

33. strong

34. understanding

35. tolerant

36. prudent

37. ambitious

38. capable

39. courageous

40. determined

41. true

42. dependable

43. passionate

44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly

46. love shopping

47. be honest

48. be very rich

49. not stress her out

50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself

52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself

53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:* birthdays* anniversaries* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked

2. Bring food

3. Bring beer

something to tell you

i have something to tell you, you can laugh, you can groan, you can gasp in horror!

what is this you are all saying, well hope you are all ready for this i am a big fan of

CLIFF RICHARD

there i have said it, so now you all know and i am getting so excited because i am going to see him a week tonight at the Hallam Arena in Sheffield, and i am going alone, yep thats right all by myself, i wish it were going to be just me and Cliff but i imagine there will be thousand other Cliffy fans there!

I have had my ticket since christmas last year its right in front of me. I am on the 5th row oh my god i am going to scream!!!!

My eldest sister got me into Cliff, she has even met him how cool is that, well i guess you dont think so but i think its cool!

My other sister got me into Elvis but i never got the chance to see him.

So there you have it, the truth is out. Hey Cappy i have told the world and you have got a full week of me going on about it ha ha even more just wait till i have seen him, oh i giddy, and i am going to wear me Now and Then T shirt to work ha ha!!!!!!!!

Nowt To Say

can you beleive i've nowt really to say, i know a few people who would really find that hard to beleive!

Went to Disney on Ice on Friday night, a friend arranged it all, unfortunately she was unable to come with us, but it was a good night, sat with a friend from work who spent ages trying to find out where cappy was sat, yeah we found him! I enjoyed it big kid that i am!

Saturday me and himself had a trip to Bolton to visit our son and grandson. Its annoying but every time i come away from visiting them i get mad, she (being the sons partner) always manages to annoy me, dont think its intentional, but i have made my mind up that next time i will say what i feel, regardless, so be warned!

Sunday we went to the rememberance service in Sheffield as posted.

Monday, well i just lost Monday, in other words i did not a thing!

Update on me tooth, or lack of tooth, all is healed now, and update on Mr Milo's tail, although its still bent he is happier in himself, back to regular walks and chasing his ball, bless him.

Well thats that then, oh the car has got to have a new gear box, its only done 8,000 miles! Well at least its still under warranty!

Right then i am off to the hairdressers now.
Bye to you all.
Hey when i sign in blogger keeps telling me my new beta blog is ready for me, mmm but i dont think i am ready for it, whats the vote lately on blogger versus beta?

We Will Remember Them

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:

Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.

At the going down of the sun and in the morning

WE WILL REMEMBER THEM

When you go home, tell them of us and say,

FOR YOUR TOMORROW, WE GAVE TODAY.

A Little Laughter to Start the Weekend Off

The following jokes are from Peter Kay, a Lancashire comedien, you may have heard them but i think they are funny and anything that makes us laugh is ok by me!

I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

So I said "Do you want a game of Darts?” he said "OK then", I said "Nearest to bull starts". He said "Baa", I said "Moo", he said "You're closest".

The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?”

So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions".

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull a fast one".

So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said"Eurostar?” I said "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".

So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said "How flexible are you?” I said "I can't make Tuesdays".

So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Wedgie Kray.

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

But I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one jar.

So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?” I thought "That's all I need, a Je-hoover's witness".

You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.

So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt. He said "You remind me of a pepper-pot", I said "I'll take that as a condiment".

I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.

I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I Ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

Sex is like bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour Said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough.'

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

You know that look women have when they want sex? Me neither.

See My Poorly Tail

This is Mr Milo before he had his accident, yeah he fell chasing his ball.
This is Mr Milo with his poorly tail, its a shame, but he is no longer in pain and he can now give his bent tail a little wag!

Well the good news is that my tooth seems to be on the mend at last yipee!

The bad news is now my car is poorly! Its an automatic C4 and it has got a poorly gear box.

Ah well thats me dog, me and me car that has been poorly, lets hope that is the end of it!

I Still Mardy

I still being mardy, I still in pain, I hate pain it makes me mardy!

Had tooth out last Tuesday, back to dentist on Friday in soooo much pain, the socket is infected, he rinsed it out, packed it and gave me some antibiotics. Phew thank god for that it will get better now.

Oh no it's still painfull, I hate pain it makes me mardy!

Back to the dentist today, yep he rinsed it out, packed it and gave me a different kind of antibiotics, to take at same time as the first lot, and some more painkillers. Phew thank god for that it will get better, please tell me it will get better now won't it? Cause i hate pain it makes me mardy!

Mr Milo is a bit more cheerful, his tail is still bent the vet said it may never be a happy tail again! But at least he is no longer in pain and he can just about wag it!

Oh and I won a competition over at swampwitch's blog, hey yeah I won, I won!

Men Read and Learn!

The Hormone Hostage.

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands!

This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other!

DANGEROUS: SAFER: SAFEST : ULTRA SAFE:

What's for dinner? Can I help you with dinner? Where would you like to go for dinner? Here, have some wine.

Are you wearing that? Wow, you sure look good in brown! WOW! Look at you! Here, have some wine.

What are you so worked up about? Could we be overreacting? Here's my pay check. Here, have some wine.

Should you be eating that? You know, there are a lot of apples left. Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that? Here, have some wine.

What did you DO all day? I hope you didn't over-do it today. I've always loved you in that robe! Here, have some more wine.

13 Things PMS Stands For:

1 Pass My Shotgun

2 Psychotic Mood Shift

3 Perpetual Munching Spree

4 Puffy Mid-Section

5 People Make me Sick

6 Provide Me with Sweets

7 Pardon My Sobbing

8 Pimples May Surface

9 Pass My Sweat pants

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

11. Plainly; Men Suck

12. Pack My Stuff

and my favorite one.

13. Potential Murder Suspect

Money talks .... but Chocolate SINGS!!!

Poor Us

Well its poor us, in us I mean me and me dog Mr Milo.

Poor me, was eating a piece of cold toast yesterday morning, yeah I know but I love cold toast with lashings of butter and marmalade on, when I went oops that was a bit hard, oh no it wasn't the toast it was a tooth, or should I say a crown! Yep I'd swallowed it! Off to the dentist I did go and he had to take out the rest of the tooth, well the rest of what was left and that was just the root! Ouch it hurt and I feel so sorry for myself! I hate pain!

Well now for poor Mr Milo. We was out walking this evening, I was throwing his ball and he fell. I knew he had hurt himself because he came running over to me looking so sad, I checked his legs and his paws, could see nothing, he was trying to sit down but couldn't. As he started walking away from me I was watching him, no limp, but his tail was bent, oh my his tail is BENT.

Oh my poor doggy has got a broken tail, he cant sit down he looks so sad!

He will be even sadder (is there such a word as that! Well there is now!) tomorrow as we are off to the vets, SSH don't tell him he hates the vets!

Well I know they cant put his tail in pot, not sure what they can do, just give him some pain relieve, any way now you know why its poor us! So watch this space will let you know what happens at the vets, will even try and take a photo of his poorly tail, if he lets me he is camera shy you know!

PC, Blogger, my Arse

can you get in trouble for cruelty to your computer?

me and my computer aren't speaking today, or it could be the gremilins in blog world but i have had enough, enough i tell you enough!

not once, not twice but three bloody times have i tried to publish some more photos today, and has it worked, well has it hell!

so any way when i have picked up my computer off the floor and when we have kissed and made up you might get to see some photos of Rhodes Old Town.

so its goodnight from me and its goodnight from the computer on the floor!