Taking a Shower
How To Shower Like a Woman :
Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more
sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumicestone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man :
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom, if you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair.
Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
Wee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.
Admire willy size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
I KNOW YOUR LAUGHING CAUSE MOST OF IT'S TRUE!!!!!!
15 comments:
I’m laughing but it’s not all true. I don’t wear the towel around my waist. I drop it on the floor and step on it to dry off the bottom of my feet. And if I shake my willie, well I might not stop for ten or fifteen minuets. Oops! Sorry about that. But I am laughing anyway.
it is funny you know..whatttttt? hey fun is fun and that was fun...
Good laugh, but all of it is not true
Today's women don't have that much of time to spend on themselves. Children's hygene is always the first priority what ever be their age.
Life in the 1500s
The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by the next month. Even so, they were starting to stink, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children - last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty someone could actually get lost in it! Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater."
Houses had thatched roofs - thick straw piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the dogs, cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house in those days. This posed a real problem in the bedroom, where bugs and other droppings could really mess up a nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.
The floors were dirt, and only the wealthy had something other than dirt, from which came the saying "dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they kept adding more thresh until when the door was opened it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway to prevent this, hence the saying a "thresh hold."
"think about how things used to be."
it's still like that in barnsley!
and that info is as old as the person in the pics below!
Ha Ha! A great post!
Apart from the woo woo willy I really laughed at "Dry with towel the size of a small country."
coffeypot - down boy!
fancy face - it sure is
rauf - wow i learn something everytime from you thanks.
cappy - yep Barnsley is sure behind!
tod - woo woo!
I NEVER do that! Hmph!
Oh... my bad. My wife just said that's exactly what I do. I take it back.
I would like to know when and how you have gained access to my bathroom. Did Caz let you in on the quiet?...woo woo
men are so predictable what!
Yes, they are predictable, and rarely vary from one to the other! Woo woo is crowed from every bathroom/river/lake - uh, everywhere a man is naked in front of a woman!
Hey! You left out the cowboy hat!
You left out "use towel to dry off privates and butt crack and then put towel back on rack to re-use for next shower".
Actually, it's me that makes the shampoo mohawk, but the rest of it is pretty much spot on.
It's my knob and i will wash it as fast as i like!
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