Mum
19th September 1993 is the day that my lovely mum died, she was 63 years young, she had breast cancer followed by secondary lung cancer.
I loved her so very much and even after fourteen years I miss her every day. We talked every day on the phone, we laughed together; she had a great sense of humour, that’s where mine must have come from!
She knew she was leaving us, but I was in denial, my siblings accepted the fact that she was ready to go, I argued with her GP, who told me that my mum was a very wise woman. As soon as she said she was ready to go into St Luke’s Hospice I began to realise that yes she had had enough and was it fair for me to want her to stay.
I wrote this the day she told me she was prepared to go into the Hospice.
I am so very scared
I don’t want to lose my mum,
I need her and I love her so very much,
But I don’t want to see her in all this pain.
WHY
I am angry – Why her
Why can’t anyone help her get better?
I love her so very much
Please let her stay with us.
The whole family spent time with her on her last day, she had trouble breathing, she could hardly speak, it was heart breaking to see my lovely mum like this, I just wanted to hold her in my arms until she had to leave us. But my mum thought differently, she wanted to be alone, the nurses were amazed at how long she just kept going, they told us to go home and that they would phone us when they thought she was ready to leave.
We said our goodbyes, our son was with us, he was seven, the last words she ever spoke were ‘Goodnight Kevin’.
My eldest sister and her husband were the last to leave, they had been home no longer than 20 minutes when the call came from the hospice, our mum had died. She was determined to take that final step alone.
I wrote this the day she died
Oh mum why do you have to go?
And leave us here to hurt so.
They say the pain will ease one day,
But this pain, I know will never go away.
The joy you’ve given and the love we’ve shared,
The help, the laughter we’ve had all these years
They should be here with all those you love,
Not taken away for those up above.
She’s my mum and I need her
She’s my mum and I want her
She’s my mum and I love her
She’s my mum why take her
So today I remember my mum, love you and miss you so very much x
25 comments:
Ah sad now... Thinking of you. It is the anni of my brother's death next Weds and I will be blogging about him instead of my usual WW next week. (((((HI)))))
I am not one to cry, but my eyes welled up reading this as I can feel your pain.
Hugs to you my friend.
i feel like crap today.
been to see dinners, and now this. makes me realise that i aint that bad.
bless you.
Love this! Such a different side to you.
Hugs... and lots of love.
NO words here. Just hugs and gentle thoughts sent your way.
For a bit of a smile, come visit today.
I'll be thinking about you today.
I often wonder if anyone ever loved me that much. She was a luck lady to have you and your family love her so much. Thank you for sharing such a personal memory with us.
{{{{{Hugs}}}}}
What a beautiful smile!
I don't think we ever stop being a child. The love of a parent is so powerful.
Always remember her incredible strength. And you know what? You're allowed to miss her. No matter how many years pass.
How very moving. I don't think we ever get over missing the ones we love.
Something tells me she is up there, reading this post and smiling very big!
im sorry for your lose that is so similar to what we experienced 21 years ago with my mom. next month i will probably post on it.. i don't think the pain ever goes away..
hugs
with ya today hun and Im sure she's up there watching over u every day...remember the good times...luv shell n molly..xxx
I'm going to be remembering my mum on Oct 5th, so I know how you feel. xx
That was a very nice post. A bit sad, but very nice. Sorry today is a bad day for you.
group reply - thank you everyone for your kind words, i feel proud to have had a lovely mum
big hugs babe xx
Thinking of you, my friend. Its been as many years since I lost my mom. I still have an urge to pick up the phone to share my day.
She looks like a lovely person. I'm sorry you're having a bad day. My mother and I had a complicated relationship, but I miss her, anyway, sometimes. She was 63, also, and had breast cancer.
yes its difficult to accept HER INDOORS, love makes it even more difficult.
i loved my mom to bits
she died of the same, she was 67
She died in my arms, saw her last breath leave. i worte about her in my 'mother earth alive' post
Hugs, Kate xx
I can't imagine what it would be like to lose my mum, the words you wrote are very evocative and really moved me.
~big hugs to you~
Sound like you had a wonderful Mom and how great that you had such a close relationship.
I wiped the tears and hugged my little boy. I imagine she's wanting to hug you right now....
mine died july 6 of 1993
I was with her - but she didn't know it. At least... I don't think she was mentally alert enough to know I was there.
I talked to her on the phone daily - and she loved her grandkids with a passion.
One daughter mentioned a week or so ago that something she had from her grandma still had some of her smell about it - and she would put it up to her nose and sniff it for comfort.
hugs Kate...I too was there that night...so vivid, so scary. I love you hun.Trish x x x
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