Its All Done with Now

well i hope you all had a great christmas and that Santa brought you all you asked for.

as you know me and himself spent Christmas over in Ireland with me mate and her family, what a great time we had, and i know you are all waiting to see the photos.

well close your eyes and concentrate really hard as i am sending them to you via ESP yep thats right ESP, have you got them yet?

the first is of the house we stayed in, John and Jackies, it's a gate house to the estate built in 1913, dont you just love those arched windows, and the walls must be 2 foot thick.

the second is of Galway, we went christmas shopping, just a run of the mill town but with cobble stones, how quaint.

the third is of Limerick, now i really liked Limerick so pretty.

the last is a view from a walk me an me mate went on with her dog Lady, the view is of the river Shannon.

so did you enjoy those photos vie ESP, if you didn't see them concentrate harder!!

well the truth is i forgot me camera!!!! yeah i know i am a plonker!!!

oh well there you go! so what have you all been up to, have you bought owt in the January sales? guess what i got in the sales......... you give up already ok then i will tell you...............
i got a holiday! we are going to Tunisia in two weeks time how cool is that are ya jealous now? hehe i am a git am i not!!!!!!
so i promise i will take the camera and get you all some lovely photos.

so thats me lot for now will try and catch up on you all
i would like to wish you all a

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Be safe and enjoy and i hope 2007 is a great year for you and your loved ones

see you all next year xxxxxxxx

Merry Christmas

With the festive season here, this is perhaps an appropriate time to pass this message on.

Things that are difficult to say when you are drunk:
a) Innovative
b) Preliminary
c) Proliferation
d) Cinnamon
Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk...
a) Specificity
b) British Constitution
c) Passive-aggressive disorder
d) Transubstantiate
Things that are DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk...
a) Thanks for the offer, but I really don't want to sleep with you.
b) Nope, no more drinks for me.
c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
d) No kebab for me, thank you.
e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
f) I'm not interested in fighting you.
g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.
h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have zeroco-ordination.
i) I must be going home now, as I have work in the morning.

For those of you who don't know I am off to me mates in Ireland for christmas, I am so looking forward to spending christmas with her and her family.

So this is my last post now till after christmas, so I would like to wish you and your famlies all a great christmas, however you celebrate it and I hope that you all enjoy yourselves and that you eat drink and be merry.

VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS

27 years

today is my 27th wedding annerversary
we met on the 6th April 1979 in a night club, Trade of Jacks, in Blackpool

i was a sweet 18 an he was 31!
his boss said it would only last 6 months! never liked him anyway but how wrong was he!

this is one of our bridesmaids
and this is me with my mum, how i wish she was still with us now, miss ya girl x

well 27 years of marrage, there has been good and bad, but we all have them, the main thing is we still love each other and we are still in love with each other.

Born Before 1986

Born before 1986??
Then you'll appreciate this. So will you that weren't, I bet!!
According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 60's, 70's and early 80's probably shouldn't have survived because first, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing and didn't get tested for diabetes, our baby cots were covered with brightly coloured lead-based paint which was promptly chewed and licked. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, or latches on doors or cabinets and it was fine to play with pans.
When we rode our bikes, we wore no helmets, just flip-flops and fluorescent 'spokey dokey's' on our wheels.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or airbags -riding in the passenger seat was a treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle and it tasted the same.
We ate chips, bread and butter pudding and drank fizzy juice with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.
We shared one drink with four friends, from one bottle or can and no one actually died from this. We would spend hours building go-carts out of scraps and then went top speed down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.
After running into stinging nettles a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We would leave home in the morning and could play all day, as long as we were back before it got dark.
No one was able to reach us and no one minded.
We did not have Play stations or X-Boxes, no video games at all. No 99 channels on TV, no videotape movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no DVDs, no Internet chat rooms.
We had friends - we went outside and found them.
We played elastics and rounders, and sometimes that ball really hurt!
We fell out of trees, got cut, and broke bones but there were no lawsuits.
We had full on fist fights but no prosecution followed from other parents.
We played knock a door-run and were actually afraid of the owners catching us.
We walked to friends' homes.
We also, believe it or not, WALKED to school; we didn't rely on mummy or daddy to drive us to school, which was just round the corner.
We made up games with sticks and tennis balls.
We rode bikes in packs of 7 and wore our coats by only the hood.
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of...They actually sided with the law.
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas we had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.
And you're one of them.
Congratulations!
For those of you who aren't old enough, I thought you might like to read about this, and it is surprisingly frightening......and it might put a smile on your face:
The majority of students in universities today were born in 1986........They are called youth.
They have never heard of:
We are the World, We are the children and the Uptown Girl they know Is by Westlife not Billy Joel. They have never heard of Rick Astley, Bananarama, Nena Cherry or Belinda Carlisle. (possibly not a bad thing of course....)
For them, there has always been only one Germany and one Vietnam.
AIDS has existed since they were born.
CD's have existed since they were born.
Michael Jackson has always been white.
To them John Travolta has always been round in shape and they can't imagine how this fat guy could be a god of dance.
They believe that Charlie's Angels and Mission Impossible are films from last year.
They can never imagine life before computers.
They'll never have pretended to be the A Team, Red Hand Gang or the Famous Five.
They'll never have applied to be on Jim'll Fix.
They can't believe a black and white television ever existed.
And they will never understand how we could leave the house without a mobile phone.
Now let's check if we're getting old...
1. You understand what was written above and you smiled.
2. You need to sleep more, usually until the afternoon, after a night out.
3. Your friends are getting married/already married.
4. You are always surprised to see small children playing comfortably with computers.
5. When you see kids with mobile phones, you shake your head.
6. You remember watching Dirty Den in EastEnders the first time around.
7. You meet your friends from time to time, talking about the good old days, repeating again all the funny things you have experienced together.
8. You're starting to dance like your father/mother..............God forbid!!
Yes, you're Getting OLD!

Am I a Cutie

hello everyone my name is Molly aren't I a little cutie!

oh my I have had a traumatic day! they took me to the vets because i not very well and he took my temperature, hey man where the hell are you going with that thing, ouch do you know thats my arse your messing with! i am only small, i can tell you it brought tears to my eyes and boy did i cry!

oh no whats that thing ouch thats not nice he stuck a needle in my neck do my owners not love me, why have they taken me to this place its cruelty i tell you, how would you like having needles in your neck and that thing being shoved up your sodding arse i ask you!

oh well thank god thats over with then, whats that did i hear them say bring her back on wednesday, no no i am fine now i promise i will eat and drink and not have a poorly tummy please dont take me back there.

Poor Molly she is my friends puppy she is only 14 weeks old and the vet says she has got colitis, ah bless, but hopefully she will be fine.

P.I.

What a selection there has been for my job tilte P.I. there's been Paranormal Investigator - i would love to do that one! Personal Interpreter, Popeye Impersonator, Professinal Inkbloter and Panty Inspector LOL!

Oh well i will now put you all out of you misery, and then you can all have a little moan!

P.I. stands for Price Integrity! Yeah well I never said it was anything exciting did I!

So now i suppose you all want to know what that is eh! God you are a nosey lot!

Well I work for a supermarket company and my job involves putting out the new shelf edge labels for price increases, decrease etc, so there you have it! A clue to the company - 'every little helps!'

Ok that out of the way hope you enjoy these!

We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where ::-) means a smile and :-( is a frown.
Well, how about some "ARSEICONS?"

Here goes:

(_!_) a regular arse

(__!__) a fat arse

(!) a tight arse

(_*_) a sore arse

{_!_} a swishy arse

(_o_) an arse that's been around

(_x_) kiss my arse

(_X_) leave my arse alone

(_zzz_) a tired arse

(_E=mc2_) a smart arse

(_ £ _) Money coming out of his arse

(_?_) Dumb Arse

No Weirdest Job!!

I have been tagged by Todd for the weirdest job! It started with Biddie at Life, or something like it man if you haven’t read it do so now! Then she tagged Tod over at The Bridge of Cows, you really need to go and read his weirdest job! And they expect me to be able to compete with them, well no way can I!

I have sat and gone back through all my jobs since leaving school so many years ago, 29 years ago god I feel so old now thanks! I just have not had a weird job!

So if you want to leave now that’s fine by me as this might get a wee bit boring!

My first job on leaving school was working for an ice cream company in Blackpool called Pablo’s, they had an ice cream shop opposite South Pier and an ice cream factory in the town where they made the ice cream. Me and a friend, Jayne, had to test the new flavours they made, yeah it was pretty cool at first, but then after tasting up to five different flavours a day it got rather sickly, especially when you didn’t know what you were tasting it could be anything, and you had to tell them what it tasted off, one of the worst had to be tea flavoured ice cream, I mean if you want a cup of tea you have a cup of tea not a sodding ice cream that has a hint of tea in it an how the hell can you dunk your biscuits in that!

I worked at Burtons Biscuits, yes Todd the same place that made Wagon Wheels and yep the original Wagon Wheels, my job there was to take the mishap biscuits off the conveyor belt, so if you ever had a packet of biscuits that were mishaped I apologise now!

Those who know me know I don’t like cooking! So it will come as a shock to know that I once did the cooking at a Blackpool night club. Just chips, chicken in the basket, scampi, burgers easy stuff. Well I walked out of that job because they wanted me to cook and serve the food after the freezers had broke and all the goods had defrosted and then been re-frozen, they couldn’t see the problem as most of the punters would be drunk anyway! And you know I have been racking my brains out to remember what that place was called and I just can’t all I know was it was opposite the cenotaph.

I held three jobs once, bar work at the Grapes then onto Blackpool Tower Circus, no behave yourself I wasn’t a clown, well not an offical one! I worked in the booking office, and then finished off behind the bar at Dixieland Bar on central pier.

Boring old office work, mind you a bit strange that I worked for two double glazing companies both went bankrupt mmm sorry North West Windows and Globe Home Improvements it wasn’t my fault honest!

Well I did warn you it was boring! I have worked with children at a play group, done shop work,bar work, factory work and not one weird job!!

My job title now is a P.I. bet that has got you all excited! Well lets see who can really guess what that stands for!

So I am sorry to disappoint you all in not being able to tell of a weird job!

Ok then who shall we tag! I tag Dilling

The 12 Days Of Christmas

I love this one heard a few years back but it still makes me smile
December 14
Dearest John
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift! I couldn't have been more surprised darling!
With deepest love,
Agnes
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December 15
Dearest John,
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves! I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are truly adorable!
With all my love,
Your Agnes
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December 16
Dearest John,
Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one! But I really must protest, I don't deserve such generosity. Three French hens. My goodness. You are just a darling of course, but I must insist, you've been too kind!
Love,
Agnes
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December 17
Dear John,
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they are plainly beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic dear.
Affectionately,
Agnes
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December 18
Dearest darling John,
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings! One for every finger! You're just impossible darling, but oh how I love it! Frankly all those squawking birds were beginning to get on my nerves, I am glad you thought of something different.
All my love,
Agnes
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December 19
Dear John,
When I opened my door, there were actually six geese a-laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are dear, but where will I keep them? The neighbors are complaining, and I can't sleep through all the racket. Please stop.
Cordially,
Agnes
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December 20
John,
What the hell is with you and those fucking birds!? Seven swans a-swimming!! What kind of sick joke is this!!?? There's bird shit everywhere! The little bastards never shut up, I can't sleep anymore, and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny you weirdo.
Sincerely,
Agnes
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December 21
O.K. Buster,
The birds were bad enough, but what the hell am I going to do with eight maids a-milking? If that's not bad enough, they had to bring their damn cows!! There is shit all over the lawn, and I can't move in my own house!! Just lay off me smartass, or you'll be sorry!
Agnes
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December 22
Hey Shithead,
What are you, some kind of sadist!?! Now there's nine pipers playing! Christ do they play! They've never stopped chasing those maids since they got here! The cows are upset and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. The neighbors are getting a petition against me.
You'll get yours!
Agnes
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December 23
You rotten prick!!!
Now there's ten ladies dancing! But they're not ladies! These broads are having an orgy with the pipers! Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea! My living room is a river of shit, and the building commissioner has subpoenaed me to give cause for having all these animals. I'm calling the police on you creep!
One who means it!
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December 24
Listen fuckhead!
What's with the eleven lords a-leaping on those maids and ladies!?!?! Some of those broads will never walk again! Those pipers ran through the maids and have been sodomizing the cows. At least the birds are quiet. They were trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you are satisfied you rotten vicious swine!
Your sworn enemy,
Agnes
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December 25
Law Offices of Badger, Binder, and Irwin
30 Knave Street
Chicago, Illinois
Dear Sir,
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, one Agnes McHolstein. The destruction of course was total.
If you attempt to reach Ms. McHolstein at Happy Daze Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight.
Please direct all correspondence to this office in the future. With this letter please find attached a warrant for your arrest.
Merry Christmas smartass!! (snicker snicker)
Cordially,
Badger, Binder, and Irwin

Cant Post

I am having trouble posting! No nothing to do with blogger, nothing to do with a poorly pc, its himself! He has bought a new game for the PC LMA Manager 2007 and I just cant get him off the damn thing!

So whilst he is in the shower I have just managed to jump on the PC! So just a quickie, and i am used to them!

Guts or Balls
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below ....

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar and zipper, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say: "You're next."
I trust this clears up any confusion on the subject.

Right then i will leave you with that, i am off out to do some christmas shopping, hopefully i will be able to catch up with you all soon.

Till then its goodbyeeeeeee.

Taking a Shower

How To Shower Like a Woman :

Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more

sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumicestone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man :

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom, if you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair.

Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Wee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.

Admire willy size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

I KNOW YOUR LAUGHING CAUSE MOST OF IT'S TRUE!!!!!!